Roadkill Retains Her Title

The Qualifier is over and I've retained the title Roadkill for another quarter, YAHOO!  

Now for the reality... My time was 33:04, a PR by a whole second over last quarter. I knew that despite what everyone was saying, it was not only not a given that I would make it, it would take a huge push to accomplish it.  It was not a pretty race, I walked three times on the way out, tagging the gate at 18:58.  That meant I had NO room for error on the way home.  I was laughing afterwards with some of the girls about that race back... by the time I hit the stream bed, my gut was so churned I was afraid I was going to lose it from one end or the other. Thankfully, I didn't... I've had that experience before and it's miserable.  

You would think there would be more improvement given all my specificity training in the last three months, wouldn't you? Which just proves yet again, that you can't out train a crappy diet.

I have always been a fear based, negative person... seeing what can go wrong, how I fall short and under estimating my ability and potential.  It's how I'm hardwired and overriding my default setting is difficult and inconsistent.  Until I met Eric, I never even realized I had that mind set, least of all tried to change it.  

In the last 7 years with him, I've challenged and overcome my fears and negativeness over and over again, but the default setting is still always there.  When I get too physically or mentally tired, the tendency triples and kicks in to "fuck-it" mode.  Thank God these days that doesn't mean I drink (that was my solution until January 10, 2003), it doesn't even mean I stuff my face with cake and candy (which was still my go to until last year.)  These days it means that more often than not, an afternoon or evening may include sushi, hummus, brown rice, "gluten-free" bread, yogurt, plantain chips, Mary's crackers, or the occasional cookies when I'm with my recovery friends.  I don't eat large quantities of any of these things any longer, but I still haven't killed them off completely.   Oh, and I race with Hammer gels... fueled by sugar.

You get the idea.  They are all still products that pack a huge wallop of carbohydrates.  I haven't been able to convert my body's fuel to fat because I keep reintroducing the damn sugar and staying dependent on it for energy.  It also obviously doesn't matter that I've been making somewhat better choices in the types of carbohydrates, the results are still the same.  High body fat and inconsistent, unsustainable energy.  

So, by next quarter if I want different results, I'm going to need to do things differently.  First, I'm going to be talking to a woman who has proven to be EXTREMELY successful at making the carb to fat conversion, Elise.  And second, it's time to set a goal that will push me way out of my comfort zone and force me to rise to the occasion.  I'm thinking Goruck and I'm thinking soon.  Anyone brave or crazy enough to join me?

My heartfelt thanks again to Kendall for being the most AWESOME race coach imaginable, to Elise for  letting me hang on her heels and to Perla for staying at my side, while still taking care of my friend Rose.

To ALL of my Arrogant Bastard teammates... THANK YOU for your constant words of encouragement.  I heard each of you today and really appreciated it!