Follow the penis...

Follow the what?!  Yep, you heard me correctly.  Penis.   Or at least that's what the four strategically positioned "arrows" most resembled...  And, what's with this Chihuahua marker!?

I've been looking forward to this morning's run all week... weather was predicted to be cold and rainy, with snow down to 3000 ft.  I haven't been in the snow in about 10 years and I've not ever just been out for a pleasure run or hike.  

Today I felt like a little kid looking for snow the whole hike... and then finding it!  

A little rain, but OMG it's really snow!

Yahoo, we made it... it's snowing!

 Photo Op!

There were a whole slew of Bastards on today's training session.  Team Triple Trouble + Jackie stuck with three other teams until the Upper Winter Creek Trail fork when we stopped to adjust gear.  Next time we saw our fellow Bastards was at breakfast. 

Oh but they left us plenty of markers to make sure we didn't lose our way!

The morning was everything I could have possibly wanted... Good friends, great giggles, new adventures and the best...  Snow, snow, and more snow!

Until finally, we hit the Mt. Wilson Toll Road and the wind...

Okay enough snow, it's freaking COLD!

If the morning had ended right there, I'd have been perfectly content.  But the adventure had actually just begun.  We still had to get down and by that I mean off the scar and down the face of Jones Peak!

The scar looks so benign from town... it's not.  It's steep and full of  soft, slippery sand.  

Look mom, I'm sand surfing!

Phil knew our route and Jackie is half mountain goat, so the two of them ran ahead and led us down the most remarkable paths.

Every now and then we'd get a break in the clouds and realize that we were almost home!

I'm very glad I brought my camera this trip.  Only shot missing is one of the Mt Wilson Trail from the Jones Peak approach.  Oh well.  Consider it incentive for you to take the trip yourself!

Such an amazing day.  

Such an amazing life.  

So very thankful!

BTW... the shoes... 

Inov-8 Roclite 268

Hands down winner!

Picky, picky, picky...

One month left...

We are in the final countdown to the race.  We are supposed to be dialing in our training, clothes, food, etc.  I have a pair of Solomon SpeedCross 3's that are gorgeous looking and perfect for short runs, but they  failed the test after about 10 miles. (Sole too rigid and laces nonadjustable.)

So, I just invested in a pair of Saucony Peregrine 3.  I bought them at Snail's Pace because they were the only place that still had my size. I had heard super good things about them and a number of my teammates wear the Peregrine 2's.  I had to upsize them to 9.5 to provide enough toe clearance which left them a little loose mid foot, but I figured that would be solved when my feet swelled during the longer runs.  The sales people at the shop totally agreed.

Last weekend I tested them on Mt. D and my grip was a little off because of slipping in the shoe.  Not enough to turn an ankle, just enough to mess with my stability.  Again, we had only run about 3 miles so I figured fit would improve with more distance.  

Today was 11.5 miles with lots of descent and the perfect test.  Result?  Minor slipping for the first 5-6 miles, a slightly rolled ankle that may or may not have been because of the shoe, and two quarter size blisters on the instep of both feet from the constant chaffing.  These shoes are definitely not going to work for 30+ miles. Damn it!  Bummer of the purchase is the store has a no return policy after any wear.  I know better than to buy regular retail, but I couldn't find them anywhere else.  Oh well... off to eBay they go!  Unless there are any Lady Bastards ready to update their running shoes?

I already buy my X-Talon Inov-8 trail flats from Backcountry.com and absolutely love them. I'm on my third pair and if we were running less than 15 miles they'd be my shoes of choice.  But, we're running 30+ miles so I'm going out on a limb and have just ordered two different pairs of Inov-8 women trail shoes from Backcountry to test... the Roclite 268 and Roclite 275.  I did not up-size them since they say they run true to size and my shoes are normally 9.  

I trust Backcountry because they offer an unlimited unconditional return policy on all of their gear, shoes included. Wear irrelevant.  They are just like REI but with a much better shoe selection. So, $200 bucks on the credit card and cross your fingers that I'll have this nonsense sorted out before the race.  If not, it'll be pick the lesser of evils and just suck it up buttercup.

On a much more interesting note... we picked up a new teammate today!  Phil Incikaya is also a new Arrogant Bastard and after running with Maggie and I today has decided to join us for the event.  I'd been harboring a few concerns about Maggie and I soloing on night navigation but those fears are now completely gone.  Between the three of us, we will be invincible!!!

We had an absolutely fabulous time running together and throughout the morning we all displayed different strengths and weaknesses.  Phil is definitely a stronger climber, thanks to years of backpacking and hiking, but we always caught him on the descents leaving us all feeling well balanced and supported!

Thanks to a surprise photo op by Marleigh, we even had time for staging shenanigans with a fellow Bastard not quite silly enough to join the actual event.

I AM SO EXCITED!  I LOVE THIS TEAM!

Disappointed but not by the mountain

Before the fun stuff, the critical part:

I am not Eric and I am just as obviously not your typical CrossFit box owner.  For some reason, that comes as a surprise to some people.  Seriously.  In case, you're one of them, here's a shocker... I am Kellie and just human, more so than some, less so than others.  I write this blog to share my humanness with friends, family, my community and even the open world. I really don't care who reads it. I allow myself to be vulnerable in my blog because I know that's the only way to be honest and reach people who struggle with "needing to be perfect" and falling short... repeatedly.  Some people actually think I am wrong to display my humanness for public scrutiny, thinking it inappropriate for my "position" and that it somehow makes me laughable in our community.

Those are heavy words to hear and very hard to ignore.  I go back and forth between anger, disappointment, sadness and my personal favorite... depression. The last three weeks have been dark as I've struggled with trying to see past this ugly side of humanity. (I really need to stay out of Facebook when I'm in this place because all I see are the turtle trapping, lion killing, child molesting horrors.)  These are the times when my deeply ingrained negativity becomes dominant and it's difficult for me to find the positive, motivational side of life and how to even connect with people, least of all write something uplifting.  So I go silent while I find my way back to a healthier perspective.

I can't say I'm there yet but I also know that wallowing in the feelings just makes them worse.  So next week I'm going to try something new. We'll see if it helps.  In the meanwhile, I'm just focusing on the fact that leaders make the best targets and if people are talking about me, then at least they're being reached and whether they are honest enough to admit it or not, they may actually hear my words.  For today, that will have to be enough.

So, after three weeks of silence...  fall down seven times, get up eight.

The last three weeks have been quite tumultuous. There were a number of highs... like crossing the 9-hour mark sleeping not once but twice in the last ten days (an unheard of feat in my sober life.)  Or the fact that my body fat % went down another point (28.17) and is slowly closing in on a record low.  As positive as those metrics are, at the moment I also clearly see the flip side that wrecks such havoc with my perfectionist personality... the two 6 hour nights and the insanely yummy popcorn I ate last night.  (sigh)

The Bastard 50k is right around the corner and the last three weeks have been all about team building, planning and practicing. I've been working very hard to establish cohesion with teammates and we've encountered a number of challenges. Last week Joyce had to drop and Maggie and I had to have a heart to heart.  Yesterday, it all came together.  Maggie and I planned and executed our training session perfectly.  Now, we're finally able to start focusing on the finer details of route selection, food, clothes, etc. Maggie and I make an excellent team and I'm very grateful for her friendship and enthusiasm...  AND the little extra nugget like her suggesting a team nutrition challenge. Starting this Friday through Christmas... no indulgences and no excuses.  Just what we both need to see us through the final push to the big night.

So, about yesterday...  It really was spectacular. I have been hearing about Mt. Disappointment for the last 8-9 years and somehow never climbed the trail... until yesterday.  First, let me say it was butt ass cold up there!  No snow, but a light breeze that made the temperature feel a whole lot lower than 36 degrees.  It seems Maggie's brain goes to sleep when she gets cold, so she wasn't taking any chances...

Not two, three or ever four layers... this girl was wearing FIVE upper layers, plus gloves, face mask and a fleece hoodie over is all.  Too funny!

Made my two wicking layers and a wind breaker seem like a base layer.  Yesterday did teach me though that during the race I will be packing glove warmers, one fleece layer... and a hat that fits properly!

Once we just accepted the weather and quit thinking about it, we were able to focus on appreciating our surroundings.  I've heard so many comments through the years about the difficulty of the climb that I was ready for much worse.  Granted it wasn't 101 degrees and we weren't coming off 20+ miles, so I have no doubt that trail is substantially harder under different circumstances. However, for my first climb it was PERFECT!

If you've been on Facebook, you've already seen this beautiful shot of the snowy mountain range and valley at sunrise:

That's only half the view, when you look in the other direction, down the trail we had just finished, you start to see the populated valley from a most gorgeous perspective:

The most perfect sight came at the top where the view stretched up and down the coastline, exposing not only Catalina, but the oil tankers in the Long Beach harbor.  Really!  Granted, DVH freezing in this photo rather eclipses the grandeur of the background. But, trust me,  if it hadn't been for my frozen fingers driven technical difficulties, I'd have the photos to prove those tankers were actually visible.  As it is, you'll just have to squint around the shivering Bastard.

































At the end of the day, I do know down to my toes that every person on this planet is doing their absolute best to be the best person they can be, given their own set of circumstances at that moment in time.  Some moments our best is completely off the chart and other times we shouldn't be allowed in public.   The bit I need to remember is...

Two Legs Closer to the 2013 Bastard 50k

Yesterday morning's training run was Leg 2 of the upcoming 2013 Bastard 50k.

The session was huge for a number of reasons....

1. Course familiarization - It let us see the second leg of the course, which was critical given the technical nature of the trail.  The first three miles were a beautiful single track descent with easy running for the most part.  When we hit the basin all that changed... there were streams (minimal at the moment but come race night, who knows!), undergrowth, fallen trees, poodle bushes, and quite a few places to temporarily lose the trail. All easy enough to navigate in the daylight, but will definitely require sharp eyes at night.  Then we had to climb out the other side and the terrain dried out and changed again... this time there were lots of green thorny bushes that looked kind of like Jerusalem Thorn but without the leaves, (If anybody knows what they actually were, I'd love to learn the details), small, sharp California Oak bushes, and of course a few strategically placed yuccas.

At any rate, I was very glad I was wearing capri's and knee high compression socks, because it seemed like everything was doing it's best to inhibit our passing and definitely made an impact on my clothes - I can only imagine what the legs of my poor bare legged running mates must must look like.  Oh, and there were also a number of areas where there had been landslides and the footing was narrow with little room for error.  Again, not a big deal in the daylight, but definitely requiring attention to detail during the race.

2.  Pace - The route finished around mile 17-18 of the race - almost exactly the half way point for the whole event.  That's important to realize, because I was totally spent when I got to the top of the climb yesterday.  My feet were sore and my legs had no running left in them.  That tells me clearly that I pushed too hard on the descent (which was perfect for a 9-10 mile run, but obviously inappropriate for a 32 mile event) and will need to hold back much more on the actual event.  On the flip side... Joyce and Sachiko were my running mates and Sachiko set a blistering pace for us down the mountain but somehow she never managed to lose us... at least until the final climb out, then she slowly pulled away, and ended up finishing the route about five minutes ahead of us two. She was one hell of a great example and I'm so glad she's on the team and running the race!  Thank you Joyce for leap frogging with me all morning, you are a kindred spirit and I love having you for a training partner!

3. Fueling - Well, I've verified the fact (again) that my fuel sources have to be all natural.  Yesterday, I ate just one of Joyce's Shot Bloks before the run and had indigestion for all three hours.  So on race night, I'll fuel on the fly with Endurolyte Caps, Rise Protein bars and Sesame Snaps (both regular and dark chocolate.)

At mile 18, the half way point, I'll take time for real food and make sure my drop bag has at least a thermos with hot and savory chicken stew or soup.  We'll see what recipes I come up with between now and then.  

4.  Suffering - By the time I got home I was wrecked and it took two Aleve and a hot epson salt bath last night to put me right.  I'm already wrapping my head around the impact of tying yesterday's run on to the back of leg one... and then doubling it.  This Bastard is going to hurt and hurt bad, there is no doubt about it. While I normally avoid using any kind of pain killers or anti-inflammatories during a training run, I will be using Aleve on race night.  Barring injury, I can see nothing to be gained by having to feel every little physical discomfort, so bring on a little buffer.

5. Team Building - The Bastard 50k will not only require the acceptance of serious suffering, it will require every ounce of mental stamina and teamwork that we can each muster. There are only a few people on the Arrogant Bastards who are familiar with these trails; the rest of us will just have to tough out the navigating challenges and keep our wits about us.  Every training session brings us a little bit closer to the real deal and I worry for my friends who have voiced a desire to participate, but aren't making all the training sessions.  This night will be hard enough with full preparation and I can't begin to imagine what the experience will be like without every minute of training possible.

6. Mental Perspective - This was probably the most important benefit of yesterday's training. Establishing and maintaining the proper perspective.  I can already tell that the 2013 Bastard 50k is going to be my toughest challenge to date, AND that it is totally doable, because I have already established a high bar of past experience to draw upon.  The AidsRide was longer and suffering horrible, but it only came in bouts of 10 hours and was only during daylight, so this will be harder.  The Goruck Challenge was eight hours at night but really only took strength and endurance, so this will be much harder.  I suspect only my night out on canyon self-rescue with ATS can even partially compare to what's ahead. That was also many hours at night, on single track trail, cold, wet and dangerous, but I was being led by true experts, so I suspect that this will be have to be much harder. The thing is, I've done all those events successfully, and I know down to my toes that I am up for this latest and greatest challenge.   Thank you Coach LeClair for creating such a fabulous way for us to test our mettle!

To end this post with one last blast of optimism...

Yesterday's climb was the worst of it!  Here's the full course elevation markers and the "only" significant climb still to get through will be Mt. Disappointment... the rest is all down hill!

Beware the Purple Poodle Dog...

Not this kind, scary as it is... 

This kind!

It looks so pretty in the summer...

Today's 8-mile trail run along the Silver Moccasin trail from Neucomb's Ranch to Shortcut was spectacular... as long as we dodged all the purple poodle dog bushes along the first 3-4 miles.  Most of the trails we ran were narrower than this one and the bushes loomed much close. 

Thankfully since they bloom in the summer, all we encountered for the most part were bushes easily my height, with a bunch of dead flowers on them.

I was so focused on just keeping up with all the super fast bastards running ahead of me that I wasn't paying close attention to anything but my feet and let one of the tall ones slap my bare arm in passing... not to mention the countless times my covered legs rubbed them as I charged past, intent on keeping the distance between myself and the next runner to a minimum... with only limited success I might add.

As I sit here typing, there are no hives anywhere, but I'm itchy almost everywhere... all psychosomatic, I'm sure!  BUT, it seems this stuff can take anywhere from hours to days to rear it's ugly little rash, so we'll see come daylight.

Today was the first of hopefully many Saturday's that will be spent on the upcoming course for the 2013 Bastard 50k Trail Run.  Today we began at the start line (Newcomb's Ranch) and ran about 8 miles to the first aid station at Shortcut on Highway 2.

The weather was surprisingly cold for the first 3-4 miles, then warmed up quickly.  We had 17 chilly bastards with us, including a whole slew of red runners.  It was such fun to have a chance to run with all these people again.  I am really looking forward to the coming weeks!

As a side note... first week back on the team included two hard sessions of speed work and a challenging tempo run. I'm definitely going to have to kick up my nutrition and recovery even higher if I'm going to hang with this bunch.  Time for bed.  Sweet dreams my friends!

RFKR - Runner Formally Known as Roadkill

After missing the time hack on the last two Qualifiers, today I finally re-qualified for the Arrogant Bastards Trail Race Team.  But's it's not that simple... not only did I qualify... I finished with OVER a minute to spare (32:00) AND... my body fat is sub-30 AND I have not sustained ANY injuries even with an average of 7 training sessions per week (4 CF & 3 trail).  These last two months in particular have created results far beyond my wildest drunken dreams.

I suppose it would be easy to take credit for it, and maybe with some that's expected, but I truly can't.  Left to my own efforts, I fell off the team and couldn't get back on.  Only when I completely let go of all control issues and asked for help from the experts, were they able to work their magic and create such magnificent results.

First, Carla, my spiritual mentor...  I chose this photo specifically to show her fun loving, practical, earthly, and altogether bad ass side.  She's a woman whose history I completely identify with and who is living her life in a way I greatly admire.  I definitely want to be her when and if I ever grow up!

Carla has been consistently giving me tools and accountability opportunities to quiet my overactive brain and super loud ego.  First she made daily meditation mandatory and started recommending a number of perspective altering books.  Then she just sat back and waited while door after door started opening and enlightenment slowly started to dawn. She has always been there to help me work through the rough patches and climb hurdles that no amount of physical effort alone could impact.  I am so very grateful for her loving heart because these tools transfer to all facets of my daily life, making today much brighter than yesterday... and tomorrow... wow, I think I better just let it unfold in it's own time.

Everyone's journey is different, but for me, it's critical that I get quiet every single day, trust God in all his beautiful manifestations and ask Spirit to quiet my ego on a pretty much constant basis.  For me, it works and if any of my super busy-headed friends want more detail, don't hesitate to ask.


Second, Eric is my Coach and an absolute expert in his field.  I chose this photo specifically because it shows a side of him that comes out only when needed.  He is always the charismatic and demanding coach, but when appropriate, he's also that real person who creates real life skill changes... like pulling me through the final acceptance that I don't actually have to walk uphills and that I absolutely must be able to train alone.

Once I was able to quiet my ego enough to ask for his help and continue to quiet my ego enough to actually accept his help, unconditionally, he was able to work amazing magic with my body and even made serious inroads with my head.  First, increasing my caloric load and shifting the macro nutrient ratios while implementing sleep and recovery standards.  Then and only then did he set a training protocol that I was required to adhere to no matter what.  It was insanely hard and had to be performed alone, but by the time today arrived, I no longer needed a pacer and knew I had the potential to finish strong.

I am forever grateful for this Coach who always sets a standard attainable with a stretch, who always believes in me, and who always gives as much of himself as he asks of me.  He has earned my unreserved trust and now whenever he tells me to do something, I do it regardless of what my own head has to say on the subject.  Remember, my head will invariably tell me he is asking way too much from my fat, old body and while I do know better, I now have the tools and faith to ignore it. My head always lies and my Coach never does... unless of course it makes for more effective training. Ha!

Finally, after three years, I finally get to run The Bastard 50k in roughly 10 weeks.  My head of course says there's nowhere near enough time to train for such distance, but I know better, because my Coach says it can be done and I believe him.

So, it's now time to really STFU and train!

Tule River Report...

I'm home and putting up a quick post before the day gets away from me... 

Thank you coaches for such a creative welcoming!  I never worried about the Academy the whole time I was gone.  Thank you all for the gift of your superior skill and commitment to our shared venture.  We would not have been able to take this time for ourselves without you here.  I am very grateful.

The last five days were amazing, enlightening and completely life changing... and that's all I will say on the subject.  This is truly one of those times when what happens on the mountain, stays on the mountain.

My regular schedule resumed this morning and I'm now ready for the final push to the Qualifier next weekend, so let's get this job done!